Grief Meditation

This experience is designed to help you unlock the grief that is being held in your body, trapped behind the barrier that says accessing the depths of our grief is not acceptable. It is written in response to the question “how do I access my grief?”. I use a variation of this in my grief ceremonies.

Gather your tissues and a shawl, scarf, or blanket. Have some music or a tool of sound ready. Find a quiet, dark place or somewhere you feel safe. You may want to do this with a friend present – having someone witness our grief can be profoundly healing – but it is not necessary. Meet yourself wherever you are, with whatever limitations you have. The most important thing is to just be in this moment with your grief.

Start breathing deeply but do not force your breath, let it come naturally. As you breathe, think about what you are grieving. It could be anything, one thing or many things. Grief is complex, it does not fall neatly into boxes. Think about what you are grieving, let the memories come to you. As you start to think about it, notice the feelings that arise. Notice the sensations in your body.

Now, ask your grief, those sensations, what they want. Let the answer come naturally – it too may be a sensation or feeling.

If it starts to feel like too much, or if you start to feel resistance, tell yourself that this is only for this moment. That after this exercise, you can return to your normal activities, but for now you are going to do this, even if it is only pretend.

Continue breathing into those feelings, and into the places in your body that are experiencing a sensation. Perhaps there is a tightness in your throat? A heaviness in your chest? A clenching in your gut? Really focus on those sensations, feel them, and let them rise.

Let yourself make a sound. It can be any sound. Maybe it is a chuckle, or a sob, or a soft moan or a single word or phrase. Give yourself permission to give a sound to your grief. If nothing comes out right away, fake it and make any sound. Have you ever started laughing and then found yourself sobbing? The process will unlock itself.

Do not censor yourself. Let whatever sound needs to come out, come out. Keep feeling into the sensations in your body and the memories of your grief.

As you reach deeper and unravel the cords of grief that have been tangled in you, a different sound may come to you. A wail or a keening or a great screaming cry. It may sound or feel animalistic. Do not be afraid of this sound. Let it rise from you, let it take over for a few moments and escape, taking with it the tangled cords that have kept you bound.

Give yourself time to cry, or scream, or just feel the sensations in your body. Put on some music or start drumming, and let your body move as freely as you are able. Find joy in your movement, do not let it cause you pain. If you have pleasant memories of the person you are grieving, think about those. Visualize a positive outcome for the thing that you are grieving. Visualize healing for yourself.

Once you’re ready, end the movement and sound and start breathing slowly and deeply. Wrap yourself in your shawl, and hug yourself (or have a friend hold you). Sing to yourself if you like. Thank your grief for the lessons it has given you, and thank yourself for giving yourself this time. When you are ready, make yourself something to eat and drink and give a prayer of gratitude to these things too. Do something to take care of yourself, and reach out to a friend. You may be tempted to analyze the experience, but please let your physical and emotional self be with the experience for now. You may like to journal about it later.

You may find that you are unable to go into your grief the first time you give yourself permission, or you may feel like you have much more grieving to do after this. Both of those experiences are valid. Keep trying. Continue to give yourself permission to grieve. Reach out to others for support. You can do this. It is as natural and normal as breathing, and loving.

From my grieving heart to yours.

Playlist suggestions for this work: In Sorrow and Hermitage 
Playlists courtesy Danica Swanson of The Black Stone Hermitage

You are welcome to share this with others, but please leave intact and credit Syren Nagakyrie.

A veiled ghost in front of a cave.
Image: Malgorzata Maj